One can only imagine how many broken relationships may have been saved if partners were able to talk to each other openly about what causes them angst when having sex. And studies regarding relationships have consistently shown that an active sexual relationship was extremely important to both parties as a factor in their happiness. One of the issues that causes angst is the loosening of the vaginal wall or muscles, which decreases the stimulation during sex for both parties.
It cannot be comfortable as a man to tell his wife/girlfriend that her vagina doesn’t feel as tight as it used to. Equally uncomfortable has to be a woman who doesn’t feel the same stimulation in her vagina during sex as she once did, before she had three children. It can cause her shame, thinking that she cannot adequately please her husband and cause her frustration, since she feels she can longer satisfy herself.
Yet many women in this position can often be in denial, and convincing herself that there are other reasons why her husband/boyfriend isn’t as attacted to her as he once was, opt for cosmetic surgical procedures, like tummy tucks, breast implants and facelifts, and still not solve the issue. The one procedure that would solve the problem, ironically, is the one she is too ashamed to address.
As professionals who are trained to address the needs and desires of people in unhappy relationships, couples/sexual therapists should consider whether or not the reason why a couple does not have a satisfying sex life could be something as easy to understand and as easily correctable as a loose vagina. As many therapists know, often what isn’t said as just as loud, if not louder, than what is said. Sometimes, a husband may state that the sex with his wife is not a good as it once was, and cite stress at work as the problem. It may be that after 15 years of marriage and four children, he simply does not feel friction when he enters his wife. And his wife, who also knows this, is too ashamed to mention it to the therapist also. As stated before, many people in relationships have an extremely difficult time talking about this, whether it be due to their upbringing, their shame, or general societal mores. Knowing this may be a possibility, the therapist could ask whether the problem could be physical in nature, and if so, suggest vaginoplasty.
In the future, the field of vaginoplasty and sexual therapy can be a great marriage for both medical disciplines and it certainly can be a growing trend in medicine to have therapists and surgeons to work together in the same office. Often, people who suffer from lack of friction during sex know what their problem is but are afraid to express themselves, and many times an outside party like a therapist can and should be able to flesh out thier issue, as long as they ask about physical problems. Once the problem comes out in the open, that’s half the battle. The surgeons at Colen and Porges, MD., can then perform the necessary surgery, and the couple can move on with a happy relationship going forward.